In the past few years, I have spent most of my painting time in North Macedonia, where I got to have a taste of the Balkan region, and experience the culture and it’s society.
One prominent feature in the life style is the habit of drinking rakija and other alcoholic drinks. However when it comes to social life and partying, there is a particular social pressure for drinking alcohol and getting drunk. Being able to drink a lot is often perceived as a sign of strength and toughness, as well as being sociable and having fun. This social pressure exists among all ages but it is most prominent among the youth. At some point I felt the pressure even on myself when going out to socialize in the evenings, that if I did not drink and look a bit tipsy, I would get stigmatized as ‘boring’, because a sober person is equated or associated to lacking a fun spirit.
Although there are mixed ethnicities and religions in the country, I noticed the drinking culture exists among youth regardless ethnicity or religious backgrounds, being Orthodox Christian or from Muslim backgrounds.
There are of course many reasons which can be attributed to wanting to drink and getting drunk besides just having fun. But what is most striking to me is the social pressure of having to drink in order ‘to socialize and be seen as having fun.’
All this observation of mine one day got thunderstruck when I met a young man (26 years old) running a local café. This young man does not drink any alcohol, nor smokes any cigarettes. He has easily and smoothly has rebuked any social pressure for drinking or smoking! Yet he does go out and parties, has fun, socializes a lot, has many friends. He is an origin from the town, and from Orthodox Christian background, and yet he has never bothered to succumb to any social pressure which goes against his personal will. I really wanted to understand how he has been managing to navigate the cultural expectations regarding drinking, smoking, and the pressures regarding what is considered “fun”. So I posed him three questions, and here were his answers:
1- You are the first young man from the Balkans that I have encountered in my living experience in the region who does not drink alcohol nor smokes cigarettes, yet you seem to happily socialise and go to parties. What made you decide not to drink alcohol while growing up in a community in which drinking alcohol is a big part of the cultural habit?
Dejan:
I don’t like the smell of alcohol. I tried it once and I didn’t like it. I also don’t like the smell of cigarettes, so I don’t smoke either. In my view alcohol and cigarettes are not healthy, and I like to keep healthy. But one main reason I don’t want them is because they represent a weakness to me; people use them mostly when they are stressed or hurt. I see these as an addiction.
I have witnessed some bad situations that were created by people when they were drunk. Drunk people do not have a clear mind.
Also for me it is not true that one needs alcohol in order to have fun. It is actually sad if people need alcohol or cigarettes to have fun. Again it comes across as a weakness if one needs alcohol in order to have fun.
2- What about social pressure from friends?
Dejan:
I had many pressures, but I don’t like to drink! So the pressures cannot push me to do something that I don’t like. And my friends know that they will waste their time pressuring me, so they don’t even try now.
3- Do they try making fun of you for not drinking?
Dejan:
No, because then I make fun of them and I say I don’t need alcohol to have fun. They actually respect me and do not make fun of me.
The above were the answers of the young Macedonian man.
I find the inner strength of this young person impressive and inspiring. That is why I decided to write the present short article about him. The point of my article is neither about alcohol nor cigarettes - I am neither discouraging drinking, nor encouraging drinking. The point I wish to express is personal autonomy; personal autonomy in deciding what is for us or not for us, without succumbing to what society may pressure us to do, or predefine for us.
The inner voice and inner truth of every person need to be acknowledged and heard. Our inner truth needs to be heard first by ourselves, and then expressed to the outside. If the outside is not ready to hear our truth, or not willing to hear it because it is something different than their predefined expectations, then we can let that pressure fizzle away to the evolution of culture and development of human civilization.
As a painter, a scholar of international relations, and humanitarian activist in the social scene, I wish to give the following message to the youth:
Believe in yourself for who you are, and do not allow social pressures to define you if something genuinely goes against your personal will inside. To know who you are, you need to hear your own inner truth, and be connected to the inner voice of your heart and soul. Whatever does not align, let it go gracefully. Dejan, the 26 year old Macedonian, is not forcing his lifestyle onto anyone in his town, but he is not allowing anyone to push a lifestyle onto him either. He is taking the authority and autonomy to define himself and his lifestyle; it is not the society who is defining him for him. He functions respectfully within a culture which drinks alcohol plenty, yet refuses to drink because it does not align with his inner voice.
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